Erin Goes to College: The Blog.

my new fishie

2009-10-25T00:25:00.000-05:00

...might actually be here to stay! :) And I finally managed to snap a picture today (he's a frisky little booger - he looks like a black streak in most of the photos).

I've named him Herbie, after Herbie Hancock, but then a few days ago one of the other girls in my house bought hermit crabs and named them Richard and Herbie Hancock. SO, his name may change. We'll see.

He's lived with me for over two weeks now, and he even survived a mild bout of Ich (it's a parasite, and no, I did not make it up). Daily salt baths were no fun for either of us, but after losing Thelonius, I wasn't about to let Herbie go down without a fight.

So, that's all. We'll see if I start blogging again regularly or not...

i love new classes!

2009-04-15T10:29:00.003-05:00

Here's my schedule for next year (one class will probably get dropped... perhaps the honors seminar):

LING 3051H: Honors Thesis (1st Semester)
TESL 3001W: Introduction to Teaching English as a Second Language (internship 2hr/wk).
HSEM 3019H: Language, Identity, and Globalization.
KIN 3505: Human-Centered Design
DES 3311: Travels in Typography
PE 1055: Golf

I am REALLY excited that things lined up so well... Almost all of my classes are between 2:30 and 4:30 M-Th, with Golf on T-Th in the early evening (through October). Other than that, I have 1 class wednesday morning and 1 class friday morning... so, LOTS of study time. Yay! :)

Nicodemus

2009-03-30T22:28:00.004-05:00

Today I wanted to post some of my writing... I actually found this while I was cleaning out my computer. I think I wrote it in 2008 sometime...

Gray am I, but cloaked in black
- the shroud of a coward
And here spared no humility.

But you prescribe
Water and fire to wipe away the muck.

How many times must I climb back in?
Old as I am, grayed, leaving all behind
To come out again -
tiny, wrinkled, helpless?
How many times to be made new?

Still afraid, and still ashamed,
I feel the fire inside of me
But it's a slow burn
The soundless cry of anguish
The pain of labor, the push of desperation
but nothing coming
yet.

My words betray my doubt -
As if my coming had not!
Will you still suffer to answer me this:
Are you who you say you are?
and how long until your words
finally
pierce
this calloused heart?

sharing what?

2008-11-05T21:46:00.008-06:00

The following is an excerpt from a hopefully-soon-to-be-edited-or-re-evaluated open letter to the large number of people who, today, made statements indicating that part of the reason they're angered by the statement "Share the Wealth" (which has floated around rather eerily as of late) based on the misguided belief that "the poor" are somehow at fault for their poverty - "And why should I give those people my money?" This American "Self-made-man" ideology, the idea that "Joe the Plumber is currently poor, but could get out of poverty if he just tried hard enough" is not only extremely improbable in the majority of cases, it is also becoming increasingly utilized as an excuse for us - the Rich - to choose comfort and apathy, and in the face of others' suffering, do nothing.

If we are going to argue [against the redistribution of wealth in America], and have legitimate reasons to back up our beliefs, then perhaps we can chat. And if we decide the government cannot be allowed to take money from the Rich to support the needs of the masses, that's fine: but ladies and gentlemen, let's be honest. Maybe we need to get over ourselves (and our money)....

...Since when is it okay to consider anything material, particularly money, "Mine"? Is it not a gift from God that should be poured out? Or does God want me to keep it for myself? I would agree, and say that it is NOT the government's job to MAKE us learn to be sacrificial.... but I'm realizing that the Political Right - and the Church - may need a bit of a wake up call.

I am aware, tonight,that I myself need a wake up call. How much is my life about me? Why do I continue to see need, but do nothing? My prayer, though at times reluctant, is that I would not just TALK (or write), but DO. And BE.

"...The more these kinds of issues cross my path, the more incapable I seem to become of shrugging them off, or passing them by. A lot of it has to do with the community I grew up in and the people I've encountered over the years.

They say the best way to motivate the hearts of the masses is to give the cause a face and a name, something we can all relate to. And my memory is filled with both.

-Erin Baker, on the wake of the Obama election, 11/05/08

Next Year's Schedule

2008-04-15T00:50:00.002-05:00

A quick rundown:

SPAN 3015: Spanish Composition and Communication
A class I was initially taking THIS semester, but realized I had no time for. Hopefully Fall will lend itself better to all those hours of reading and writing in Spanish...

LING 5105: Field Methods in Linguistics I
Cool class where we spend one semester analyzing one language. The professor also happens to be the department honors adviser.

LING 5931: Morphology and Syntax of Contemporary English
If I drop a class, this will probably be it. It sounds interesting, however, it doesn't really fit into any career paths I'd like to pursue...

LING 5461: Conversation Analysis
Tape recording convos and analyzing the interplay between speakers. Need I say more?

LING 3101W: Languages of the World
I have no idea who's going to teach it next fall but I AM SO STOKED nonetheless! "W" means 'writing intensive.' Intense.

Gifts and Grace

2008-04-04T23:53:00.003-05:00

It was sunny in the Cities this week - finally, a chance to meander comfortably around campus without having to bundle up from head to toe! It's funny how the 'bundling' can turn into such a rote set of movements. Most of the time I make it halfway out of my apartment building before I realize 'Hmmm, I might not need this much insulation...' A buffer against the wind still helps... anyway.

Mike is in the final stages of preparation for his senior recital. It's exciting for me, (a) because it's cool to see his excitement over how things are coming together, and (b) because the end of the recital marks a significant battle won in the war of Erin vs. Mike's schedule. :) (Translation: less practice time = more free time, Lord willing!) It's funny, piano (or music in general) represents quite a large chunk of our shared interests, and yet, very little of our time together is spent in that direction - save worship - which is more than fine! When we do get to share some time enjoying music, though, I appreciate it ten times more. Today I got to sit in on his recital run through - and it was nothing short of amazing. That's one gifted man of God, there... and he handles his abilities with a measure of humility that's a very rare find indeed.

Chi Alpha's been talking quite a lot about gifts and service and how they fit together (which, in part, prompted the previous musings). Every once and a while, I still look back and with a wistful sigh wonder what happened to all those years that music was "my gifting." Don't get me wrong, I'm not writing it off. But in lieu of pursuing music at the college level, I've been discovering so many other passions and talents... cooking, for one. Well, actually, I can't say much for 'talent' in that area, but I do make a mean loaf of banana bread. ...Seriously, though. I was sitting with some friends and chatting about the sorts of things that really get us excited, the little things that we really enjoy... and more and more, I'm realizing how much I enjoy discussion - sharing ideas - not unlike Plato and his buddies, I guess, but with different subject matter. I love taking time to sit down with others and really think through and pick apart things... things you would normally write off as simple, supply a definition or maybe some scripture verses and call it good. I also seem to have a big thing for metaphors... seriously. Sit through a single discussion with me, and I'll bet you a Chipotle burrito that I'll incorporate at LEAST one analogy into what I have to say!

So I like ideas. I think some personality test told me that waaaay back in 6th grade... but some things you just have to experience yourself before they really sink in. The "theme" I've been stuck on for the last couple months is grace. (On second thought, it REALLY started almost a year ago when Mom handed me a copy of Robert Farrar Capone's chapter on The Pharisee and the Publican...) We've touched on it in The Encounter, and Sojourn just started a 6-week series on it (so fasten your seat belts, ladies and gentlemen!!) I've been blown away by the things God's been teaching me - what it really means to be saved "by grace, through faith - not by works" - and how I can barely begin to understand the depth of the love He has for me, even when I don't 'make the cut,' so to speak (And where did my notion of 'making the cut' come from in the first place, anyway?). There are so many aspects of this that I'm still chewing on... I really ought to put it all down on paper. Or perhaps, on blog.

Well, it's now officially another late night - leading into at least one more day of beautiful weather before the snow pummels us one more time...

Peace,
Erin

A short note, and then bed.

2008-02-29T00:54:00.004-06:00

Hey guys. Looks like I'm finally back on a 'blog roll' (haha... ha... wow, I'm a dork)... anyway. Another snowy day in Mpls, though not 'till later afternoon. Normally I really enjoy the snow (so long as it's not keeping me from going/doing/returning when I want), but a severe lack of parking near campus and two separate 20 minute waits for the bus ended up being the breaking point for a very frustrating day. (Although sometime, I'll write about my encounter at the bus stop... just when I think I can make the generalization that U of M students don't care about much outside themselves, I meet someone really nice.) Luckily, there were friends to be met at Nolte & at Bordertown (over homework and coffee), and I spent the remainder of my evening on a long-awaited phone call, a movie with the roomies, and homemade pigs-in-a-blanket. ...Talk about a blast from the past! I made one of the them with cheese, and it immediately brought me back to eating 'Yankee Bandito meals' at Amigo's with Nathan all those times (we're talking early formative years here, folks). They've long since done away with their beautiful hot-dog-cheese-and-tortilla concoction, but now they've got Cheese Frenchees courtesy of King's... so... I can't complain. If you don't know what Amigo's is, you're probably not from Nebraska (or, I'm told, Kansas)... and yes, I forgive you.

I have a really odd Sociology paper in the mix which requires me to do a 'social deviance experiment'... so... more on that as it develops. The outlook is bleak... playing a deviant is not my forte. Unless you count the "hooch" roles I always seemed to land in our high school plays... anyway. The other paper I've been assigned is to write an etiological myth describing, well, the origin of something. (I'm looking forward to that one a little more, at least!) Gosh... I haven't done creative writing in... well... a REALLY long time!

Also, a shout out to my friend who's celebrating his birthday tomorrow, February 29th (think about it!). Happy birthday, friend! :) And can I just say, I love the fact that, in announcing your birthday, you divided your age by four...

Peace,
Erin

New frontiers

2008-02-28T00:50:00.004-06:00

This week, I am undertaking two new culinary endeavors that are completely new to me - one, I've had only once in my life, and the other I had never tasted before coming to college: chicken salad (as in, the sandwich filler) and pesto. Basil garlic pesto, to be exact. I WILL ashamedly admit that I found both recipes on the internet (and didn't even crack most of the cookbooks my mother handed down to me...), but these are, in fact, only the adventures of the current week. Both the chicken salad AND the pesto are an attempt to reignite a passion... okay, no... more like a willingness AT ALL... to take sandwiches for lunch. Don't get me wrong... I'd settle for a plain jane lunchmeat Kraft cheese sandwich anyday rather than go hungry, but after taking sandwiches in my lunch almost every day for at LEAST four years (high school), let's just say I'm a bit disillusioned with the whole sliver-o-meat sliver-o-dairy sliver-o-carb thing. My hope is that with a little TLC a sandwich could be a thing of beauty again... *sigh.*

Okay... in all seriousness, though. I am quickly becoming rather addicted to cooking. It started with a baking craze last semester (who ever thought having an oven could be SO WONDERFUL?!!!), during which I made countless chocolate chip (& lemon poppyseed... but not all three together) muffins and two or three loaves of banana bread that were, I must say, the creme de la creme of my baking output up to this point in time. It's cheap... bananas are even cheaper than apples per pound, and I NEVER eat all of them before they go brown... even when I only get two or three! ...and it's delicious. And that's what counts. I looooooove banana bread... even just talking about it I'm having a hard time not grabbing a couple bananas out of the fridge and whipping up some. Cooking's great, but impulse cooking is another story! I've actually gotten to the point that when I first decide I want to make something, I purposely DO NOT go to the grocery store for a day or two; my hope is that if it's just a craving, it'll pass, and if it's not, then, well, off I go! I at least feel like I'm saving some money that way.

Come to think of it, I've been cooking a lot of strange stuff lately...

-Last week, I made a crock pot's worth of beef and vegetable soup for the guys (@ Chi Alpha). And, of course, they ate the entiiiiiire pot in 5 or 6 minutes. Trenchermen, I say.
Two weeks ago, I bought myself some teriyaki sauce & pineapple, and with the help of this recipe, made myself a "copycat" of Red Robin's Banzai Burger... my absolute favorite burger in the whole wide beef-eating world. It was admittedly not as good as theirs, but hey, it was worth a try! ...I got to use Teresa's George Foreman, too, which was sweet.
...also 2 weeks ago: Kelsey's oreo truffle balls. I just ate the last one on Monday. :`(
...and 3 weeks ago (I think?), I whipped up a pot of "Leetle Veenies" and a jar of Gma's olive dip for our Super Bowl party. I was definitely not disappointed when there were leftovers... :)

So... there you have it. An entire entry about food. At least I can say that though my cooking has turned up a notch, I started working out again at about the same time (lol)... .and the dishes seem to be getting healthier. So there's my excuse to keep on cookin'.

What should I make next?

coffee buzz

2007-10-26T14:28:00.000-05:00

A guy on the bus today asked me (in writing) what my favorite word was. I, being more than a bit flustered, gave him the word "capricorn" (why, I have no idea...), but since then I've been thinking about it, and I think I've come up with a much more truthful answer: "facetious."

I haven't blogged for a while for a number of reasons. One, is having far too much to tell to write any portion of it down (here)... one thing would lead to another and soon I'd have a mile's worth of block text staring ominously back at me from my little "composer" window. Anyway, here's the quick rundown: I'm taking a 'lighter' course load this semester (16 credits instead of 18 or 19, crazy freshman honors student that I was), and yet I'm finding that I'm spending more time on homework and studying than ever. This is, in my opinion, extremely irksome, a word which here either means "causing Erin much stress" or "driving Erin to lose much motivation, as the courses she's taking have little or nothing to do with her prospective Linguistics major." I'm also still working 10 hours a week, which is going great some weeks and not-so-great others, but it helps that I like the people I work with. The Encounter is, of course, still at the top of my list. Some (not too personal) highlights from this year, so far:

The Kick-off Concert: A friend of a friend helps manage the band Mainstay, and they came to rock Sojourn Church for us the weekend before school started.
The Minnesota State Fair: it is, quite simply, enormous. I highly recommend the fried cheese curds and the dairy store ice cream (don't worry about the calories, you'll make up for them through the sweating and walking anyway!).
Fall Retreat in Duluth: So. Much. Fun. We camp out in Pat's mom's yard by the lake, go hiking (somewhere) and have reeeeaaaallly big fires (courtesy of the massive burn piles on their property). It seriously gets better every year. This year, I nearly beat Mike at Dutch Blitz, hung over a cliff edge on Lake Superior, and saw a shooting star while stargazing with Teresa, among other things. It was sweet.
Rock Climbing: ...which is quickly becoming an annual Chi Alpha / Encounter event. This year, under the tutelage of Pat and Stacey, I learned a few more tricks for scaling high, vertical imitation-rock surfaces. I also tried "bouldering," which is basically pushing and pulling yourself up a smaller climbing wall (usually jutting out in a rather counter-intuitive way) with no ropes... no worries. I didn't die.... this time...
Leading Worship last week: Yes, I was nervous. Yes, playing piano AND singing is no piece of cake (yet). But the important thing was to worship, and worship we did.

I am currently teaching myself to knit cables (you know, the little twisty things on sweaters and stuff)... it's nice to be knitting again...

Also, a kind word of warning from your friendly neighborhood blogger: Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, drink any highly caffeinated substance on an empty stomach. I've learned this several times during my life, the first being the day of the Omaha Bryan Cross Country meet my junior year during which I drank a lovely mug full of chai tea on our early morning bus ride and promptly found myself stuck with an upset stomach (not recommended for running)... and yet, here I am, three years and several occurrences later, and I still haven't learned my lesson! No upset stomach this morning, at least - I had a lovely cup of iced coffee this morning at Bordertown in the company of two very lovely women, and am still in very high spirits - however, I can still feel the pangs of over-caffeination five hours later. I'm very jittery and excitable... I think I need to eat something...

next year...

2007-08-28T12:27:00.000-05:00

...starts in exactly 6 days, 9 hours and 33 minutes.

For those of you that do read these things (or did, before summer struck and all writing ceased), my blog has actually moved - had to, since I switched e-mail addresses. You'll notice the address is the same (otherwise, how would you have found me??), but entries prior to February 2007 and all the wonderful comments have gone missing... but rest assured! They can all be found, intact, at THIS address: http://kay12687.blogspot.com. Like I said, had blogging not been suddenly so inconvenient after my main gmail address changed, I would rather have just stuck with one blog, but there you have it. Anyway! Enough about that.

This summer has definitely been an interesting one (and there are still 6 action-packed days left)! I moved back home the day after my last final exam, and got to spend a month and half being a [PRESENT] part of the Baker household in Nebraska (not that I'm not always a part, but for a while we didn't have to span such a vast distance). My Nebraska stay was only partly spent at home, however, as I traveled to weddings in both Minnesota and Iowa & did so much driving I was suprised I still even wanted a car when I was done... HA! Just kidding. :) Patty, the '99 2-door Honda Civic with fog lights, a moon roof & a green exterior, is the newest addition to the Baker automobile collection & has accompanied me to MN (and how gratefulI am!). Thanks to Patty - and my mom & dad & grandparents who helped adopt her into the family! - I was able to get a part-time job at a fabric store here in the Cities, as well as take a break from said job to head back to Nebraska for a weekend with my friend Mike in tow (photo at left). Mike & I are both involved in The Encounter, a Chi Alpha group at the U of M - he's a piano performance major (I know!!) with an ornery streak & a heart for kingdom things. If you haven't met him yet, you will... anyway. Needless to say, we share more than enough common ground to fill the 13 hours of driving it takes to make a round-trip visit to Home Sweet Home.

You might also notice in the above picture that I am extremely NOT tan. I'm beginning to realize that I've definitely taken all those hours of sunlight from running, yardwork & band camp for granted. I rest easy, however, in the knowledge that I may be a little less wrinkly when I get older, and that winter will soon be upon us, and by then, most people will be as pasty white as I am anyway (except for the ones who pay to stay bronze or who, for some reason, brave the cold daily to get the extra dose of sun exposure from being perched on top of glinting snowdrifts).

There is, of course, a lot more to tell than that, and were I to divulge it all here & now, (a) I would not get any sleep, and (b) you'd probably get more sleep than you were intending - I'd venture to guess that reading such an immense block of text would put anyone to sleep, no matter how witty my anecdotes or juicy the content. Still, the details will come, & it's my hope that I'll eventually get them all out of my brain and into this wonderfully mesmerizing virtual space known as the world wide web.

...Speaking of which, I designed a website last Thursday (& yes, all but the final tweaks WERE done in one sitting... not a good idea... even web designers need to eat...). You can check it out here: http://cjxa.org/encounter, and hey, while you're there, say a prayer for The Encounter. We're getting ready for kick-off, and it's gonna be awesome, but it's gonna be taxing!

It's good to be here again. :)
Erin

finals week, day 1

2007-05-07T13:57:00.000-05:00

H'okay. So. I am sitting at an 87.63% in Biology 1009, not counting the final I took this morning. Last Friday, I added up all my points (since the course is out of 240) and found that if I missed 8 or less on our 50-point final, I could still get an A! That was a shocker - and a motivator... I ended up spending all day Saturday indoors studying - that's right, you guessed it - Biology. And like I said, I took the final this morning - hooray! - and at least *thought* I knew waaay more answers than I expected I would - hooray! - and it only took me a half an hour - hooray! - which meant I actually had 1 hour and 45 minutes between my Bio final and my Piano "jury" (finals for piano lessons... good ol' Ivan :) ) instead of 15 minutes (our Bio timeblock got done at 12:30, and my jury was at 12:44... are you with me?) - hooray! - and it went really well! - hooray!! I don't have much more to say, except that I've still got a few more chances to see Chi Alpha people before I head home... por ejemplo, Bible Study Tuesday - hooray! - and Pat's softball game Thursday - hooray! - and I think, in a little bit, I'm gonna run down to the music building and take Mike some yogurt - hooray! - ...he's practicing up a storm since his piano jury's tomorrow - hoor-... oh wait... :P

My brain's a little fried... in the words of Ophelia/Adam Long, "I'm out of my tiny little mind! I'm screwy-louie!" ...Or would that be 'screwy-lewey'... or maybe even 'screwy-Loewe?' :)

...on that note, my Shakespeare final isn't until Friday. But then, I'm DONE... until next year.

- hooray!

are we there yet?

2007-04-08T23:54:00.000-05:00

I am so stinkin' impatient.

I just got a book in the mail from my mom - "Anonymous: Jesus' hidden years and yours," by Alicia Britt Chole. Here's a bit of text from the inside of the book jacket:

"Most of us struggle if our dreams are delayed one year, let alone twenty or thirty! We find God's pauses perplexing - a waste of our potential. And when those pauses extend beyond what we can explain, we often spiral into self-doubt or second-guessing that leads to hasty decisions and spiritual discouragement."

I may be repeating myself a bit, but this is really where I feel like I'm at right now. Most of the time I really don't feel that discouraged, but when I get to thinking about my future (near future, mostly, as in... what on earth am I doing next year??), I get stuck in a rut. Where am I going, God? I didn't get accepted to the music school, the dorms are driving me crazy and linguistics just seems to keep taking me farther and farther from what I originally wanted to study. After all the wonderful things You did for me, this week, ANY week, why do I still find myself fretting away a Sunday night, feeling like I have no direction? I had a great weekend, to be sure, but now it's quiet - and I'm tired - and I begin to feel a little lost as I consider exactly how UN-concrete and shifting my little world is. I am definitely in a waiting place. I've been reading Jeremiah 29, over and over and over, feeling a little like an exile myself. Happy, and still finding a lot of joy and excitement in the little things, but... unsure. Worrisome. Thankfully, God has a different take. He's not worried, and He promises my time won't be wasted when it's in His hands:

"But God views them differently... during those hidden years in Nazareth, God granted Jesus protected, undisturbed room to be and become, to grow and learn. That's how hidden years can be for every one of us - if we can recognize their potential and realize that anonymous seasons are sacred spaces to be rested in, not rushed through - and more definitely never to be regretted."

Mom, THANK YOU for sending me this book. I can't wait until I can STOP reading my Historical Linguistics book and start reading this.

On the upshot, I had a really, really good week... remind me to fill you in later!

making a prelude out of a coda

2007-03-29T03:03:00.000-05:00

GREAT news... AND some not-so happy news.

I found out on Monday that I didn't get accepted to the music school.

I don't know how I feel... one moment I'm fine and the next I want to cry again, thinking "I wasn't good enough... I wasn't good enough..." Like I've had so many people tell me, though - first Grace, then mom and Brad and Judy - 'Not making it' does NOT make you any less of a musician. I prayed all through the process that if that wasn't where God wanted me to spend my time, that He would close the door... and He did. Anna and Cree both said, "God's got bigger plans for you, Erin - WAY bigger." And I believe them. (It's just hard to give up something that's been such a huge part of my identity... all my life.) So, I guess that's the good news about the bad news.

Spring break was good Uneventful, besides Mom being suddenly bedridden, but very good. I got to spend a lot of time 'restinig', hanging with Kelsey & Cree, and hanging out with people that "raised me" (Barb, Woody, Mark Marcuson, Brad & Judy, Bruce... and of course, Mom and Dad). Good stuff.

a vocabulary lesson

2007-03-26T00:08:00.000-05:00

a·roint –vi. begone: as in "Aroint thee, witch!" (William Shakespeare, Macbeth)

To balance out the last post (which was rather heavy) and to give evidence of my humanity (if you found you needed more), I thought I would add that tonight I burnt popcorn (while trying to re-pop it... don't ask) in our microwave. Again. And, fearing that the scent would penetrate the entire room like it has in times past, I quickly sealed the bag and rushed it to our bathroom, where I disposed of it in the trash can, far from any porous surface that might absorb the noisome odor.

And lo, now our washroom smells of tuna. My apologies to my neighbors...

...Aroint thee, foul tuna-ish-burnt-popcorn odor!

learning to breathe... and receive

2007-03-25T23:07:00.000-05:00

A bit of introspection, here... I figure, it's my blog! I'm entitled to talk about myself once in a while, yes? - Yes.

We spent tonight's D.T.T.(which brings all of our Chi Alpha groups together) exhorting, encouraging, and rejoicing in what the Lord has done - is doing - and WILL do in our lives. I got up and shared my piece (something I'm really starting to enjoy doing), but in thinking about what I, and others, had said, I began to think about the things God has given me... and I realized something about myself: I am not very good at accepting gifts.

I don't mean to say that I am unable to accept anything from anyone; I do fine with most compliments, hugs, care packages... small trinkets... applause (okay - I'm not being entirely serious here, lol). And with the bigger things, I'm learning. And it's not that I think I'm horrible... but I still feel, to some extent, inadequate or unworthy most of the time. I think I used to consider it 'humility;' I think I worry(ed) that I would become somehow TOO confident, and end up prideful (and most likely friendless). But the question I'm asking now is, why don't I believe that there's a place of confidence, of spiritual authority, that I am CALLED to - that is NOT pride? And why don't I trust God to take me there?

I'm realizing, too, that sometimes it's people I just don't feel worthy of. Strange, and enigmatic, I know - but I'm noticing how awkward or anxious I feel sometimes when I interact with people. Even this week, I debated and debated with myself over whether or not to just call my XA friends and say, "I'm going through a really rough time, and I really need you to pray for me"... but I didn't do it, and didn't do it... and then finally felt God say, They love you, Erin. And you love them. Let them pray for you - they WANT to bless you! And so, finally, Thursday night, I did. And they were glad to. How could I have ever thought otherwise? :)

Usually, though, with Chi Alpha, it [receiving gift(s)] comes so easily, somehow. I am SO thankful for everyone there, and for the work that God is doing in me... in them... in us... in those around us. After each meeting as I say my good-byes I find myself counting the days until I'll be able to see everyone again. God has blessed me with such a strong, loving community. Do I deserve it? The answer is no, but yes: NO, as in, I am human, and I'm far from perfect, and my life itself does not warrant rewards such as these - but YES, as in, God is a loving Father, a giving Father, and He's blessed me as such because he LOVES me.

Why do I forget that so often? In the words of my friend Kimmy, "Jesus REALLY loves me!!" He takes me in while I'm still broken and ugly and transforms me into something beautiful, something beyond my imagining... and even though I'm not there yet, He's PROUD of me, proud to call me his daughter. How could I not desire to give my life to a God like that, a God who takes what I sacrifice and multiplies it ten-fold... thousand-fold? A God whose plan for me is SO much bigger than any I could ever dream up myself - a plan that, by all rights, I don't deserve?

So... just some things I'm learning. Among other things. God is SO good. SO good. :)

As a parting shot, I'd like to dedicate this blog to my biological father, our "dang pater-familia," who has showed from day one, 19 years ago, what fatherly love really looks like (and whose phone conversation served as an intermission for this blog). Love you, Dad-dad-daddio.

last hour, last week, last month...

2007-03-24T16:26:00.000-05:00

Saturday has officially become cleaning day. All week long, my "life piles up" (as we like to say), in the form of papers on my desk, books on the floor, and - depending on when laundry day falls - clothes spilling out of my closet (the verb most often used to describe the latter event is "explode"). Then, Saturday comes, and voila! Time to re-order the week's clutter. Sometimes it's more cathartic than I realize - and having a clean space to study in is GREAT (like Biology, for instance, which I SHOULD be studying right now... ah well. I'll get back to it).

ANYWAY. Exciting news!! Aaaahhh!! :D A month or two ago, a group of Japanese students (in the U.S. for a 6 week English-learning exchange program) visited Chi Alpha's table at the events fair; they were excited by the fact that we did things like ice skating, snowboarding, bowling, etc., and they wanted to know if it was okay if they joined us, even though they "Didn't have any religion." (The answer, of course, was - OF COURSE!) They came bowling with us, and I got to share a lane with two of the girls, Mina and Mai - it was SO much fun! - a few of them came ice skating with us a week later, and people from XA kept on running into them. We were praying for them like crazy - family, friends, even the congregation at CIA church - but, at least for me, the fact that they were heading home during our spring break was kinda saddening... (O ye - me - of little faith...?) In spite of that, though... I flew back to Minnesota to GREAT news.... and I got to hear it twice that evening! :)

...through this strange sequence of connections, a few of the students had met a Japanese student from North Central, and she had 7 of them over for dinner at her mom's house, joined by our friend Stas. It sounds like they had a lot of fun; a conversation started about what they had enjoyed most here in the U.S., and a few of them mentioned how everyone they met had been connected (it WAS strange how that happened!) - but eventually the conversations began going deeper, and before all was said and done - six students dedicated their lives to Christ. And not only that, but God REALLY met them - one of the girls had a vision, heard God's voice... amazing. Amazing!! I don't write to boast - far from it! I had very little to do with what transpired. But that's how God works, sometimes - all we did, as a group, was pray and show them a Godly love by being ourselves, hanging out, having fun... but seeing what God did in them, for them, has been such a blessing and an encouragement for us (and a nudge towards a missions trip destination in the near future?? :) eh?). It was also very challenging for me, too; when it comes to "expectation," I now see just how little I expect of God - and what a sad thing! He can do ANYTHING... I want to learn to expect... well, more than I can expect or imagine, and to really trust him to show up.

Aw, nuts. My computer's dying, and I need to get back to reading my Biology textbook... but I just HAD to share. Pray that we would keep expecting, keep pressing in, keep praising God for everything - encouraging and challenginig, expected and unexpected.

back from spring break

2007-03-18T23:56:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow: nap time. After four classes and some homework...

What a day!

...What a week!

A quick teaser: I have AMAZING news. But I want to accompany it with pictures (here). So we'll wait until I'm more coherent, THEN tackle the wonderfulness. :)

Spring break was really, REALLY nice... a nice break from the rush of school. It felt a little surreal going home this time, even though at didn't at Christmas... I think it might have been the absence of a major holiday, like Christmas (I'm excluding St. Patty's day from that category, even though I love you Irish blokes). I guess I'll go through a quick recap - VERY quick.

FRIDAY: Went to Kelsey's play. She died one scene before the end of Act I. People cried. I was distressed. BUT - everyone did wonderfully! Hurrah, LNE Play-ers! Hung out with Cree, Cle, Justin, Blair, and Dallas... hurrah, Sonic - and didgeridoos!

SATURDAY: Ate brunch with the Woodheads (even Courtney!) and Mark Marcuson. So, SO wonderful to see them again and get to chat - my goal this week was to get to spend time with the people who - basically - raised me, physically and spiritually, and I got to! GAVE KELSEY HER JELLO-ENCASED MUG! Hurrah!

SUNDAY: Church. YAY! Jumped around with Brucey and the gang. Lunch with Cree at Chili's, met some Nebraska Chi Alpha folks (even Kyle, who's from MN! It's like we traded or something!)

MONDAY: Ate breakfast at Gma and Gpa's townhouse (with Dad, of course!)... mmm... bacon-egg-mcmuffin-things... :) Hung out with my mom, who was really, really sick :( Made a grocery store run. Took a nap. Missed four calls within two hours. Ate with Gma and Gpa again, this time at Valentino's... mmm... Italian buffet! Went and visited Cree late at night at her temporary house. Met Carissa & Sheila. Ate girl scout cookies.

TUESDAY: 80 degrees! Found a bunch of my old journals. Went on a solo outing to Pioneer's Park. Visited the Nature Center I loved when I was a kid. Took a walk. Did some soul-searching. Decided I might make it after all.

WEDNESDAY: Lunch with Brucey & Co. at Noodles... mmm... mac'n'cheese. ROCK SOLID! So great to worship with all those kids again. Testimony party at Cree's, hurrah!

THURSDAY: Ate lunch with the Riddles at Lazlo's - came away with GREAT advice, and an e-mail address! The Office was a re-run. Phbbt. Finished last bit of homework (I KNOW!).

FRIDAY: Met Barb for Brunch (Kelsey too!) at the Green Gateau. Bought some sweet shades (and a headband!) at Target with Kelsey. Ate Mexican cornbread (YUM). "Granny-ified" myself. Went to Brita and Anna's timely Halloween dance. Was suprised by the appearance of Matt and Brita! Yay!

SATURDAY: Woke up earlier than originally intended... v. strange. Laundry. Cleaning. Packing. Played Jeux D'eau [probably] the best I've played it yet. Kelsey's track meet (GOOOOO Rockets!). Haircuts with Hanna. More packing. CORNED BEEF AND CABBAGE! Cranium night with dear old friends, with complimentary veggie chips and bean soup. :) A quick visit to Ellen (and Sammy).

SUNDAY: Forgot to set alarm. Still made it to first service! Church - wonderful as usual. Had Christine Cornwell & Cree pray over me before I headed back. Laughed with the Bobs. Drank apple cider. Ate Reubens. Drove to Omaha. Flew (all of 45 minutes...!). Heard the AMAZING story (take one) from Mike on the way home. Heard full version of the AMAZING story AT Chi Alpha from Stas. So happy! Prayed. Ate cake for Mike's birthday. Got excited with Teresa and Heather about next year. Obtained a new role: media specialist (?).

And now, MONDAY. Sleep. I can unpack tomorrow....

wake me up before you go-go

2007-02-23T12:05:00.000-06:00

I SHOULD be on the bus to Folwell, but I'm not. Yahoooo!!

So, I woke up late this morning... late, as in, 10 minutes before I was supposed to be on the OTHER side of the river for Shakespeare class. I remember being really tired last night... I think I had been doing some reading in prep for leading Chi Alpha this Sunday, and fell asleep on the floor for at least a little while... I somehow managed to get into pajamas, though, and climb into bed... *shrugs*

(On a side note, for those of you who haven't heard about my room... my bed is lofted; therefore, "Going to bed" requires a little more dexterity now than it used to... some people prefer to call it "army-crawling to bed.")

Anyway - I was late to class by ten minutes or so, but Professor Tandy is extremely laid back about tardiness (as evidenced by the people that walked in even later than I did) and we're watching Much Ado About Nothing (yay!!!!!), so I didn't miss too much - I've seen it many a time (once again, I find myself very thankful for my upbringing)! The source of my worry was, instead, my assignment for Historical Linguistics... it was assigned on Wednesday, due on Friday (today), and I - not thinking - finally looked at it late Thursday afternoon, only to realize that it's over morphological change in the nominative/accusative/dative/genitive cases of English pronouns. (Yes, you may laugh at my nerdiness...) I'm all over the morphological change part - and the English pronouns - but CASES?? What?! Pretty sure I know next to nothing about cases - what they are, where they are, etc. I did some research, but reading about it really wasn't helping, and so my work - what little is done - is a little off-the-mark (to say the least). And what does this have to do with waking up late? I [told myself I would] go back over it in the morning before I went to Shakespeare class. Greeeeeeeat.... scratch that. But then....

I walked back from Shakespeare (all the while thinking, It's okay, no reason to ruin my day, take it in stride, calm calm calm...), came to my computer thinking "Okay... reeeeallly need to find more about cases," opened up Firefox, and - out of habit - checked my e-mail. The following appeared:

hey all -

the professor's out sick today. no class! happy friday!

(turn in homework monday.)

It is SO AWESOME serving a God who even cares about the little stuff... even the little messes, when it's my own darn fault I got myself into them.

Thank You, thank You, thank You...!

*sigh*

I'm going to go enjoy a nice leisurely lunch... then go to Korean... then... the weekend. :)

P.S. For fun, here's a youtube video entitled "Beatboxing flut inspector gadget remix." I know. Just watch it.

four days and three chai lattes down...

2007-01-25T23:43:00.000-06:00

...one day to go. Can I make it through without indulging myself in yet another? and with that convenient powdered-mix sitting a mere 6 feet away?

Just kidding. :) I have pretty much no qualms about treating myself to another. Hehe...

I'm eating normally again (well... as normally as you can when your main food source is UDS, aka University Dining Services, aka Oooooooooods). The story here, I think, was just how incredibly stressed I was from traveling, and lack-of-sleep, and above all, my audition for the music school... I just was never hungry. And now that the audition is over... and I'm rarely leaving campus... and I'm actually getting sleep (I know! It's amazing!), I'm actually WANTING to eat - no longer is it forced! Hooray!

Not that anyone really needed to know that, but it's nice to share life's small victories once in a while.

I'd also like to share that, yesterday morning, I hit my head on the sink-shelf in our bathroom... and hopefully you movie-goers out there will know what I'm talking about when I say that, if this was Back to the Future, I should have invented/drawn the plans for a Flux Capacitor by now (ha, ha). Unfortunately, the only thing I've drawn since then was a sailboat at the top of my Korean Class notes *ahem*. HOWEVER, I did manage to stretch some creative muscle this week. I rearranged my desk; I began re-building my picture wall (for which I need waaay more pictures - I got a little ambitious...); and tonight, I went sledding on an air mattress wrapped in a trash bag. :D Well, AND an intertube, AND a couple of assorted plastic ones (thanks to Pat and Mike). Chi Alpha went sledding tonight, and maaaan, the hill was huge, and it was COLD! Still. Take the fun of sledding, plus the awesomeness of Chi Alpha people, and add gobs of laughter and the cozy warmth of Starbucks and even a game of Hot Seat... yeah. It was a good night. :)

Now, back to reading Romeo and Juliet. If only it were the Reduced Shakespeare version!